An Open Letter to the All-Boy Mom
I have a son. So I understand part the joy of raising boys. I also have a daughter, so there will always be something that separates our parenting experiences. I fully understand and respect that you and I will never share the same ‘trusted’ advice when it comes to parenting our families. You have a house full of men to raise. I may have one or more men to raise, too, but things just aren’t the same when you throw in a bundle of estrogen. I have seen some of you long for a daughter. I have also seen some of you find relief in not having one. I understand both.
My son was born first. When the 21 week ultrasound arrived for my daughter I was an emotional mess. I wanted a daughter so badly but had prepared and convinced my heart that being an all-boy mom actually suited me better. It actually does, in my tom-boy opinion. So to say my husband and I were excited about having a girl is an understatement. And once the excitement subsided we were scared to death. A girl?! I mean, I’m a girl….I know what we’re capable of! I fear the replica of myself walking around in toddler estrogen form. Eeek!
But there are some things that you need to hear from me, er us. Us non-all-boy-moms….we need you! You are the ultimate super mom, the superhero that withstands more than we imagine, the mom that laughs when we complain about our son (singular) getting pee on the floor, the mom that rolls her eyes at the mysteries of our only son’s questionable laundry….you are THAT mom! You make us look like weenies. You make us look unappreciative and often humble us when we complain of parenting boys. And for good reason! But…we need you. In a really bad way. In a really important way. Your job as an all-boy mom surpasses all others.
You see, you are raising husbands for our daughters. You are the voice he will hear when they have their first fight with our daughter. You are the only way he will know how to do things, and he will use it to compare against our daughter’s worth. So we need you! We need you to raise them to get dirty. They will need that carefree-ness to put up with the tightwad-ness we call being a woman. If you are always scorning them for getting dirty they will lose the ability to find humor in accidental messes. And we all know there will be a lot of those. We need you to teach them how to be a man’s man, but with a soft heart. Our daughters will have their own sense of independence but they’ll also need the strength that comes from having a good man in their corner. But he must also be gentle enough to sit and comfort her when needed, instead of walking out and leaving her to cry alone. We need you to let them feel the rush of competition, no matter how you choose to provide it. He doesn’t have to be an athlete, but our daughters will need someone that knows sticking through the fight and struggle is worth the win.
I promise to raise a daughter to be supportive to your son. I will teach her how to have respect for him…and even you. I will show her how to put her crazy aside and actually communicate with him. And yes, I will also teach her all the domestic skills that my mother taught me…laundry, ironing, cooking, cleaning, gardening, etc. But I need you to teach your sons how not to take advantage of someone that does those things. That starts with you. It would be even better if you also taught them how to do those things, but I know that’s a stretch. My point is, there is no other mother as precious to us as the all-boy mom. You have a hard job. A very respectable, precious, important job.
Just know that I pray for you every night. I pray for your boys and I pray for my own job raising a future wife. Our complaints, needs, and jobs look differently….but the love for our children does not. Let that be what binds us as we trail along this journey. Hail to the all-boy mom!!
Your Mediocre Mom