Overrated: Walks on the Beach

I know, I know….how could anyone think taking a long walk on the beach is overrated? It’s what people say they love to do on dating games and websites. It’s what people day dream about when they think of romantic time spent with a loved one.

Not me!

Talking a walk on the beach sucks. I have what I call, ‘left-over dancer legs.’ That means they were once completely solid muscle and my best asset. Now they cramp at night if my day includes climbing too many stairs- which isn’t many. Result? My thighs rub together. They really always have, whether they were muscle or not. But now they cause me to wear Spanx anytime I wear a dress or skirt.

Walking on the beach is probably the most uncomfortable thing for me to do.

I’m in a bathing suit…AKA acceptable underwear to wear in public. My thighs are rubbing together so much I can smell bacon. And sand is EVERYWHERE. That last part is important. The more I walk, the more that sand rubs against parts of my body that should not need exfoliating. Just saying. And people think this is a romantic activity? Pa-leeze!

It’s misreable!

Know what I prefer to do? Beach my fat ass in the sand with a cold drink and wander into the water to cool off as soon as no male figure between the ages of 18-30 is nearby. That last part is about my lack of self-confidence, not an overestimation of how good I look.

And there you have it. Walks on the beach are completely overrated. Skip it. Take a walk on the boardwalk after you’ve showered.

You’re welcome,

Your Mediocre Mom

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