A.K.A. Things the kids say and things I didn’t expect to have to:


“Momma, my butt and balls. My baby balls!”

“Did you just eat a booger?” “Momma, yuk! I not eat it I put it on the floor!”

“Hurry! Your sister has already peed in the hallway!”

“Why is there shredded cheese in the bed?”

“Get your feet off the food in the fridge!”

“Don’t wipe your boogers on your sister.”

“Stop drinking water from the dog’s bowl!” (on hands and knees with his face in the bowl)

“Stop eating all the potting soil!”

“When I asked if you wanted to go outside to potty like Daddy I didn’t mean poop!”

“Don’t use the dustpan as a plate!”

“Momma, my booger white!”

“Momma, sister eat dog food.” (not concerned)

“Momma, Papaw old!”

“Why is she drooling green stuff?” (I think she ate playdough)

“Stop tackling your sister, her mouth is full of mud and she’ll choke!”

“Momma, Bastian poot.”

“Don’t pee on your sister!”

“Who shit themselves?”

“Momma, I eat booger.”

“Why are you following me? Do you need help finding your mom?” (as my toddler follows me in the crowded grocery store)

“Here, spray this on the chairs. I need to make your dad think I cleaned today.”

“Don’t feed your sister Legos.”

“Momma, sister eat mud.”

“Momma, that yucky drink.” (pointing to the wine in the fridge. Not sure how he knows….)

“Momma, I poot at school.”

“Don’t wipe your nose on your sleeve. Boogers are for friends.” (Ha!)

(Daily) Where’s Dada? Me: On vacation, I mean at work.





Where there's no guilt in cereal for supper.